I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

by Shane Clifton

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come

Then all the colors will bleed into one

bleed into one

But yes I'm still running.

You broke the bonds

And you loosened the chains

Carried the cross

And my shame

And my shame

You know I believed it

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for

I have climbed the highest mountains

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

The above lyrics are from U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”  One of my most annoying experiences as a young Christian was, after being informed of the evil’s of rock music, being encouraged to burn my U2 records (and later in life having to repurchase them).  At issue was not only the supposedly evil beat of rock music, but the fact that U2 had not found what they were looking for, even in the cross.

Two decades later, I confess I resonate with the spirit of U2’s song more than I do with the certainty of dogmatic and fundamentalist Christianity.  Like U2, I have spoken in tongues and held hands with the devil, and I know he has carried the cross of my shame.  Yet I am equally certain that I have not found all that I am looking for - there is more that God has to do in my life, and more have him yet to be discovered. 

Bono’s words resonate with the much earlier prayer of St Paul, who wanted the church to be able to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know the love that surpasses knowledge.  There is an inherent contradiction here - St Paul desires that we seek to know that which is beyond knowledge.  It is this tension that stands at the ground of all study of theology and Christian ethics (the two disciplines I am teaching this semester).  In theology we confront the tension that we are studying to learn about the one who is beyond description.  In ethics we confront the problem that we are called to make right choices in the face of sometimes conflicting ethical norms.  In each case we can say that in the gospel we have discovered the Kingdom of God but, at the same time, there is so much more to know.

The same is true of spiritual disciplines.  We pray to the God we have come to know and seek his wisdom for daily living, confident of His ability to reveal Himself to us through His Word in the power of the Spirit.  At the same time we come before him humbly, knowing that we only catch a glimpse of God (dimly, as in a mirror).  Since this is the case, we are reminded to remain humble (in our theology and our morality), and are encouraged to continue seeking, knowing that the search for God yields limitless fruit - there is always more to know and receive.